I just watched The Tender Bar with Ben Affleck. And if you ask how in the world I was hanging out with Ben Affleck, I’ll remind you that I aced all my English classes in school, okay, smart guy? I wrote “with” so you’d have to wonder if I’m cool enough to know Ben Affleck, but be jerk enough to say, “No, Ben Affleck was IN the movie, doofus.” Then you hit me, I hit you back, and we all wind up in jail. Well, I’ll be in the hospital because I never learned how to fight.

Anyway, it’s a good movie. It brought back memories of early family chaos, but this is America, and if you want to know my secrets, wait for my book. It’ll be as affordable as it will be unreadable. It should be noted that the bad guy in the film is a radio broadcaster, and, well, what can I say? When I was in the music DJ part of my career, I once shot a Coke machine in Vegas just to watch it leak. Or that might have been a promotion.