The Cookie Jar

“I’ve caught you with your hand in the cookie jar!”

“No, you haven’t!”

“Dude, yes I have! I’m looking at you right now! You literally have your hand in the cookie jar!”

“I don’t! This is not even a cookie jar!”

“Dude, it says ‘cookie jar’ right on it!”

“Fake labels! Besides, just because I have my hand in it doesn’t mean I’ve got a cookie.”

“But you’ve got cookie dust on your tie, so obviously you’ve been eating them!”

“Witch hunt! Look, can you see my hand inside the cookie jar? It’s not a transparent jar, so you don’t even know that it’s my hand.”

“But it’s connected to your arm.”

“You’ve got hands on your arms, too! So does almost everyone else. What about them? Why aren’t you investigating them for stealing your cookies?”

“BECAUSE I’M LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW WITH YOUR HAND IN THE COOKIE JAR!!!”

“There aren’t even any cookies in this jar. You’ve really got to stop with this obsessive persecution of me to distract from your own crimes.”

“My own crimes?”

“Yeah! You put cookies in this jar and did NOTHING to stop people from stealing cookies! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

“But just a second ago you said there were no cookies in there.”

“I did not. I don’t know where you’re getting this fake news from.”

(The sound of bloody squelching as I repeatedly bash my skull into a wall.)

How to recognize despotism: 1946

Back in the olden days, America opposed despotism and fascism.

Here’s a documentary from 1946 explaining how to recognize despotism. America and its allies had just defeated fascism. We recognized the evil of it then and spent vast amounts of blood and money to eliminate it from the world.

In the video, it’s interesting to note the pre-1950’s Pledge of Allegiance, which is a bit different from the one people recite today.

Oh, and this video has absolutely no relevance to today. None at all.

John Oliver explains “the most influential media company that you’ve never heard of”

The largest owner of local news stations in the country, Sinclair is finalizing a deal to acquire Tribune Media, making it an even larger force in local media.