BP isn’t the only big oil company that desperately needs a tax cat — now Exxon-Mobil does too.

They’ve shattered their own record for the biggest profit from operations by a U.S. corporation, earning $14.83 billion in the third quarter. Don’t you realize what kind of stress making that much money causes? Have a heart!

Seriously, can’t you spare some change? They need a tax break, and they need it now. You simply must sacrifice what you can to help. Give up yet another meal. Go ahead and default on your home and credit cards. Sell a kidney or two.