The Break Down (aka Don’t Drink & Write)

I’m on stage. I don’t know what I’ve done, what line I’ve just said, what part I’ve just played, it’s like I just showed up here, and a smattering of applause washes over me, like light snow, cold and beautiful. Suddenly I’m not comfortable with the attention so I draw my cloak around me, snuggle in the darkness, not quite invisible but damn near improbable. Wherever you think you see me you can’t really be sure, and I’m probably not there.

Next I’m looking into windows set into walls on the stage. You’d think they’d be fake, a set, not real, but behind the windows, inside the rooms happy couples watch TV and love each other. This is obviously not my world. The closer I look the lonelier I feel. I wish I wasn’t here. I’m probably not.

The audience is bored. They like the stage more than they like me. Happy nights, bright lights, neon fights. Sushi. Starbucks. Video. And happy couples, young and loving each other, hold happy hands and spend discretionary income with no care. It’s not fair.

Somebody please let me go home.

Up the block, down the avenue, all forced perspective for the audience’s benefit, the lights go out as a whole new universe closes in, with what I’m sure is one less seat, the one that used to have my name on it. Pop goes the weasel, the musical chair dangles off the edge of the stage and then falls with an embarrassing crash, the front row too polite to take notice or suspend their suspended disbelief. It’s a show, what do you want?

The squeeze is on, the squish is in, and seen or unseen, I know this will soon be over and I’ll be forced to make way for something newer and better and younger and with a higher credit rating. The universe is shrinking. I’m the wrong shape. The cars stop moving and the red light lasts forever. I’ll be breaking down now, decompose to feed a better kind of life.

I just want to go home. I wish I could remember where it was. It’s not here. It’s not here.

Pledge allegiance?

If I’m going to pledge allegiance to anything, I’ll pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States. The document is not perfect, but the ideals espoused within — even though we have yet to fairly attain them for all — are inarguably true and just.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

When I first heard the news they were remaking “The Day The Earth Stood Still,” I thought, how in the world can they pull this off? The original was just about perfect. The only thing they can do is a completely different take… So I had my doubts.

My doubts are confirmed. Keanu Reeves has been signed to play Klaatu.

California’s poor thrown under the yacht

California finally has a budget, several weeks late.

The Governator signed a budget which terminates a $55-million program that advocates say has helped thousands of mentally ill homeless people break the costly cycle of hospitalization, jails and street life.

Also cut: $1.3 million to track hospital efforts to eliminate infections, which kill more than 7,000 Californians a year; $30 million for state parks; and $6 million to compel drug manufacturers to discount medicines for lower-income people.

Oh, but wait — the budget’s not just all about cost-cutting. No! Some people get a benefit. Legislators managed to preserve a tax break for some purchasers of yachts, planes and recreational vehicles — a measure will cost the state as much as $45 million.

The poor folks get the shaft, so that we can spend $45 million to help those sad, sad people who buy yachts, planes and RV’s. I’m so glad those people got the help they need. I cried myself to sleep thinking about them every night.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find this unconscionable?

Woman sets fire to man’s penis

A woman set fire to her ex-husband’s penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Apparently they were continuing to live together due to finances.

I’m not drinking vodka anymore.

Why things are the way they are

We get inundated by the news sometimes. It’s hard to stop and reflect and get a handle on why things are the way they are, especially in troublesome places like Iraq and the Middle East.

It’s at these times we should turn to people smarter than ourselves to put it all in perspective, to show us the big picture, so that we can gain a deeper understanding of our world and the problems we face.

So why are things the way they are in the Middle East? Here’s Jon Stewart to tell us:

Daily Show: Three Generations of “America to the Rescue”